I’ve had a lot of grief this year. A lot of loss. There has been a gain or two, but mostly just losses. More than a person should endure.

Don’t get me wrong. I know some people have suffered way more grief than I have. I have a small plate, though. Our plates might not hold the same amount of trials.

I grieve my family. And damn it’s harder to grieve the living than the gone. But to have to grieve both… that’s asking a lot.

Grief… Complex, personal, and never easy.

It’s like a duck paddling on a pond on a still summer day. On the surface, all seems peaceful and well. But below, there’s so much going on. That duck is paddling for dear life just to stay afloat.

So if I look like I have it all together, I don’t. When I tell you, “I’m fine,” I’m lying. When I have a smile, it’s to cover a tear.

Grief. Sucks. Ass.