It's Hard Being a Human

To say I’m exhausted is an understatement. Mentally and physically drained.

Getting in your own way, or tripping over your own feet, is not a fun game. But, it was brought to my attention today that this is what I’m completely successful at doing. I suppose I knew that, but for a licensed therapist to tell you this.. it hits differently.

My homework? To figure out why I keep myself from being happy.

People LOVE to say I’m narcisistic. The truth is, people throw that word around, just like they throw the word “trigger” around, without truly understanding the meaning.

Borderline Personality Disorder? I’ll agree with it. I’ve been labeled and diagnosed as such, and I’ll accept that. “Radical acceptance” is what that’s called. When you’re forced to accept something that you don’t want to accept. Narcissistic and BPD have very similar traits… but are still very different. Two things that separate me are, I’ve CHOSEN to sit in front of a therapist as opposed to being forced to. And two.. today I was told that I don’t have the self-esteem to be narcissistic. I honestly thought I hid that well. I wrote a letter to Brittany a couple months ago.. I ended with the line, “I’m the most confident (genuinely), arrogant (genuinely,) insecure (genuinely) person I know.”

I can change my behavior. The behavior that pushes and pulls. The behavior that feels the need to control. The behavior that is everything BUT “radical acceptance.” When we learn to “radically accept” people for who they are, where they are, it can lead to very fulfilling relationships.. platonic and otherwise.

Here I go…