It's Hard Being a Human

I heard that song lyric today, and it hit me right in the gut. I didn’t pay much attention to the rest of the song… but oh boy, that lyric.

I am in recovery. Not from any addiction, thankfully. At least not of substance. I’m in recovery from myself and have been for quite some time. I’ve done the work. I’ve seen the therapist, I’ve taken the medication, I’ve read the books recommended to me. I’ve really and truly come a long way from the person I was a couple of years ago. I started on this journey because of someone else…and I was an added bonus. Now, I do this journey because of me… and someone else was an added bonus. Notice, that I use the word “was.” Somewhere along the way, I relapsed. Not entirely, not completely. But, I backslid. I got comfortable and fell into some old ways.. old habits. I let my guard down. I let my guard from me down. I lost my humility and found that my ass was right back on my shoulders. It’s not that who I “became” was a facade. It wasn’t. I let my guard down. And that’s the thing about recovery. Just when you think you have it beat,(whatever “it” is, to you.) It slaps you in the face. Sometimes relapse is part of recovery. You hold yourself accountable. You figure out why you did what you did. You do it over. You do it better. Was I unfaithful? NO. Don’t read that into this. Was I unsteady? Yes. I’ll be ok. I’ll get past this. Relapse.. can be.. part of .. recovery. The hardest part…