It's Hard Being a Human

A good friend once told me, “Life is the hardest thing any of us will have to do.” I’m pretty sure that’s a famous quote, but I’ve yet to take the time to  google it.

It’s true though. I blog a lot. And though I haven’t been publishing, doesn’t mean I haven’t been blogging. Sometimes it’s more about being therapeutic than publishing. But every now and then, I feel the need to be transparent. Most of my followers are strangers, some are not. Most of my “friends” follow my other blog and a lot of you follow both. … where I tend to be a little more transparent… but less raw. If that makes sense…

I’m mental health is something I’ve never hidden. In fact, there isn’t whole lot I do hide.. from those closest to me.  However, not everyone deserves a front seat in my life.

As I said before, I’ve lied, I’ve cheated, I’ve been less than real, I’ve been judgemental, but I’ve also been everything on the other side of that spectrum.  I belive in grace and humanity.

Where do ya go when you’ve hurt someone beyond what they believe is repaired? Where do you go when you believe you’ve hurt yourself beyond repair? I don’t know, cause I’m a dweller… at least where I’m concerned. Not so much others.  I’ve been in 3 serious relationships, 4… if you count high school. I definitely did my dirt in the first one.. we both did… but it’s okay. Neither of us should have went about it the way we did… but we did.. and we are both ok, good with each other, and happy. The second one….. ooooh boy. Ten years almost of a nonstop roller coaster.  Love? Eh.. more like codependency.  The third? I definitely did my dirt. Not to make excuses… not at all, but that was before I was properly medicated. 

My issues are abandonment. My issues are I get my feelings hurt, puff out my chest and feel the need to insult the people that hurt me. My issues are sooooo many issues. Things that medication doesn’t help…not completely.  Habits. Reactions. Insecurities.  I don’t give up, though…  I love hard and unconditionally.  That won’t change.